When are you going to have kids???

2 years ago I thought this was a perfectly normal question to ask a married couple. I have since changed my mind.

I believe I followed the textbook 'right' steps in life. I didn't do drugs, finished college, lived on my own, had fun in my early 20's, established my career, married my soulmate, renovated a home inside & out, traveled & enjoyed our 'couple time' and THEN decided to start a family. We were always on the fence about having kids. If it happened, it happened. I was never that person whose sole purpose was to get married & have kids. And then I got pregnant. We were excited, nervous & surprised. I miscarried early. 'It's common', 'don't worry, it will happen', 'don't stress about it', and 'it's God's way of insuring a healthy baby' were some of the things that I remember hearing. We got through it together. 3 months later, we were pregnant for the 2nd time. At the time, we were in the process of seeing a genetic counselor. I miscarried early yet again. The genetic test results were normal; no abnormalities or gene mutations.

At this point, I needed a distraction, a new focus & purpose. I posted an ad on craigslist (little unknown fact- I am addicted to reading craigslist ads!) looking to foster a needy puppy. I was contacted & put in touch with Friends of Chicago Animal Care & Control. We applied, were interviewed & home checked, and anxiously waited for our foster license to come in the mail. 3 or so more months later... and you guessed it, pregnant for the 3rd time. We thought that the third time would be the charm & we were hopelessly disappointed yet again.

In the meantime, we received our license in the mail & were contacted by our wonderful foster coordinator about a young, blue, male pitbull in desperate need of a foster family. Meaty had been found as a stray with a hip/leg injury & had been sitting in the shelter cage for 2 months. He required a confirmed foster for Friends to rescue & send him for his surgery. This was our chance & we took it! I can't wait to dedicate an entire post to this amazing pitbull that changed our lives forever.

Since the last miscarriage, we have religiously been seeing Dr. Beltsos of FCI (Fertility Centers of Illinois). We have gone through probably about 75% of fertility testing & have had all normal results. I have underwent 3 surgeries within 6 months. Just in case those tiny fingernail size fibroids were inhibiting the pregnancy process.

And so my issue is now with the lovely insurance company. When we started with FCI, the insurance company advised they cover 4 in vitro fertilization (IVF) attempts, with a qualified & detailed medical history. When the first fibroid was removed, insurance said to try 3 months naturally & if no success, they would approve IVF. 3 months go by, we are about to start IVF, and a tiny fibroid has returned. It has since been removed & the insurance company again requests 3 months of natural attempts. This is obviously unnacceptable. I have actually just gotten off the phone (as I type this) with my case manager at the insurance company & she is going to start the appeal process for me. It should take about 2 weeks.

We have a decent insurance plan. We work hard, pay our bills, and follow the rules. My argument is this; if insurance pays for 4 IVF attempts, then isn't it our right to chose WHEN to proceed with the attempts. It is time for this roller coaster to end. I am not by any means naive enough to believe that IVF will guarantee a successful pregnancy. It is an aggressive, direct approach to achieving pregnancy. What happens after that is unpredicatable, but at least will be monitored closely by FCI. They will hopefully gain some insight to what else could be causing the miscarriages if it should happen again.

I have a new guilty pleasure I want to share with the ladies (men if you dare!)- http://www.secretsocietyofwomen.com/ . I LOVE to read. I especially LOVE to read blogs. It is comforting to hear other women's stories, some just like mine, and some that are far worse. There are some very entertaining topics on the site, as well!

If you know someone who experiences a miscarriage or fertility problems, give them a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. With all the advice I was given, I was not able to fully accept it until I went through the emotional stages myself. It is an unfathomable feeling when your body fails at what is was designed to do. And words could not change that. Time, faith & hope within yourself does ease the pain.

I am grateful for the life that I have been given. I am eternally grateful for my better half. He has been my shoulder to cry on, my verbal punching bag at times, and the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know our relationship will last with or without children. If children aren't in our future, we have big plans. We have talked about making our basement a foster haven. And traveling. We love our vacations.

This road to start a family has been an experience, to say the least. We believe God has a plan for us. I just wish he'd give me a copy of the itinerary...

'Life is a dance you learn as you go'